11/11/08 - Who Wears Short Shorts?

Here's today's situation: I'm returning from the dining hall, and crossing my apartment complex's parking lot with a veggie burger submarine sandwich in my hand (I'm not vegetarian, I just like the flavour of the ones my college serves) when I see Guy and his girlfriend standing on opposite sides of his SUV. It looks like they're cleaning it. I get closer, and realize that they're scrubbing the sides of it with paper towels, and only paper towels. Now, I'm not sure what you learned in math, but this is one of those equations I'm absolutely POSITIVE holds true:

One-ply paper towels - soap - water - cleaning sprays + wimpy, lanky nerd elbow grease = no cleaning potential.

Despite the totally inefficient and awkward cleaning method, I thought it would be rude to simply walk by without at least saying "Hello" (although God knows Guy would never have the decency to do the same to me), so I approached the pair. That is, until I saw what Guy was wearing.

It's about 30 degrees Fahrenheit outside. The previous night it had snowed. I'm not sure if Guy thought his attire was "macho" or something along those lines, but Richard Simmons generally wears longer shorts in his workout videos. And Richard Simmons is NOT macho.

I used to run cross country in high school. We wore some seriously small shorts. Guy is taller than me, and for some reason was wearing shorts shorter than anything I would dream of trying on even as an undergarment.

Long story short, I redirected my course and got into the building before I had to be exposed to more of Guy's bikini-bottom shorts.

Presently, I'm sitting in my room, eating veggie burger, and listening to some music. Simultaneously, I can HEAR Guy from where I'm sitting. At the moment he's literally SCREAMING at God knows what (I'm sure even God doesn't know). I'm guessing either his girlfriend or a seagull. Here is a list of things I've been able to make out distinctly:

-"My God! Whyyyyy!?"
-"Nooooo!!!!!!"
-"Bwahahahahaha!" <---Think "evil genius from a cartoon"-style laugh
-"Or how about THIS instead?"
-"Stop being so stupid!!"

All of this (and more) in short shorts. Hopefully his SUV explodes and I don't have to deal with him anymore. It's all I really want for Christmas.

Anyway, it's time for me to go. Perhaps I'll post more tonight. Hopefully not...I want some peace for once. Enjoy.