11/5/08 - Will the Honeymoon Ever End?

I returned from class today around 12pm to find Ben and Bro-Love Kid "bro-ing down" in the living/main room again. It's great to spend time with friends, but Ben and this kid are getting a bit ridiculous. If I happened to be their responsible parent, I'd tell them they're moving too fast and to not be thinking about marriage at such a young age.

Anyway, all joking aside, I was checking my e-mail when suddenly I heard Ben say "Yeah, I'm pretty ticklish along my sides. How about you?" They went on to share what areas of their body were ticklish and to what degree for the next ten minutes. Conversations like these ALWAYS make me wonder.

This next topic of conversation makes me think that if "dudebro" ever becomes a brand, then Ben and Bro-Love Kid will be endorsed for life. After a rousing ten minutes of tickle-talk, amongst massive fits of giggling, the two switched their conversation over to the subject of lifting. For those of you unaware of what being a "dudebro" entails, use the following real lines of conversation as a prime example of "bro-talk":

Bro-Love Kid: "Dude, I got my flu shot yesterday, and now I can't do as many reps anymore."
Ben: "Yo, I know man! I love the gym though, so I go anyway."
Bro-Love Kid: "Yeah bro! Wanna catch a quick lift before class?"
Ben: "Yeah! Let me make a quick protein shake first."

Holy. Shit. They're perfect for each other.

To continue, I left the apartment for my last class of the day, as well as a meeting with my academic advisor. I arrived back at the apartment around 3pm, and much to my chagrin, Ben's boy-toy was sitting on the couch in the living/main room. Ben was nowhere in sight.

Just as I was beginning to get annoyed that Bro-Love Kid had once again come into my apartment without invitation while his host was away, the bathroom door opened. I had originally assumed Nate had been using it; after all, it's the bathroom that him and I share. Instead Ben walked out, smirking and holding back a giggle while looking me directly in the eyes. Returning his gaze, I opened up the conversation with the only logical phrase I could come up with under such circumstances:

"Why the fuck were you in my bathroom?"

To which Ben replied with "Mine was occupied" while stifling a giggle. Bro-Love Kid apparently got something amusing out of the situation that escaped me, because he too started giggling, like Ben had just said the funniest thing in the world, but was trying to keep it a secret.

Obviously I didn't buy his shit, but I chose to examine the situation AFTER the ambiguously-gay duo had left the apartment, so I just went into my room and put on some loud hip-hop music (remember, Ben HATES anything associated with African-American culture. So, of course I do this frequently to passively-aggressively get back at his ignorant ass).

Of course, just as my luck would have it, they decided to stick around in the living/main room for another 30ish minutes. This time conversation hovered around the proper recipe for homemade protein-supplement shakes (Ben likes using ice cream in his, "because it makes your muscles TOTALLY HUGE!" I wish I was making this shit up. I really do). Conversation was broken-up occasionally by Ben ruining yet another one of my favourite bands, through his embarrassingly-off-key renditions of Tenacious D songs. He's bad enough at guitar, but his singing is an unspeakable horror all on its own. Eventually the two left for the gym to "get huge" (where I assume they still are, unless they stopped somewhere for a quickie).

So far I haven't been able to find anything amiss in my bathroom. I keep all of my personal belongings in my room, except for my towel, which felt, looked, and smelled normal. As far as I can tell, all of Nate's things are in order as well.

However, the mere fact that I LOATHE Ben so much makes it VERY tempting to use his bathroom in return. And by "use" I mean I'll probably take a dump in his bathtub, or at least take a piss on his sink handle.

What a tool.

Anyway, I have other matters to attend to. Chances are I'll be updating again later tonight. Enjoy.